“I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it’s such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.” ― Ellen DeGeneres
I just can’t stand the phrase. Especially when used by an aristocrat.
Waiting. Always having to wait. For once I would like to have the doctor come into the room then take a call. “Oh sorry Doc didn’t see you there. Don’t worry. I’ll be off in 20.” While freezing your balls off. Shivering in your boxers. Waiting. Creeped out by the Crinkly paper you have to sit on. […]
Hmmmm…so you have time to post a picture about the 5th day in a row you ate cereal (that’s exciting) and comment on your own picture (pathetic) that you “really like Cheerios.” But you don’t have 5 seconds to send a text back to your friend you’ve known since high school or even worse grade school? Sweet […]
6 Things that annoy me about Flight Attendants They are not hot-who ever started that misconception? Informing us how to use a seat belt Informing us how to use a floatation device- as if we could actually use them after the plane crashes Informing us where the exit rows are like we are going to line […]
What’s the deal with Women/Moms cutting their hair short at some point? It kills me. There are so many hot women/moms who transform into bull dyke status virtually overnight. Do they think it makes them more mature, distinguished? It’s pathetic. Women/Moms who were once eye candy are now eye sores. Can I get an Amen? […]
What’s the deal with Beach Metal Detectors? You are creeping everyone out. You are annoying everyone. The beach is supposed to be stress free. You are not finding anything, even if you do, it’ll be worthless. How bored do you have to be to do this? Have you visited all the national parks? Have you […]
What’s the deal with wedding dance circles? It’s awkward, time freezes, everyone stares nervously at each other until invariably the crappy drunk dancer plunges himself into the middle. Few good dancers end up at weddings but that doesn’t stop someone’s drunk uncle from making a fool out of himself.
What’s the deal with wobbly tables at restaurants? Like chivalry is there a shortage of those cardboard wedges too? My blood pressure cannot go down until fixed (especially at a restaurant) They don’t pay the waiter enough to care, on the other hand if the waiter wants a good tip they will. Can I get an AMEN?
What’s the deal with all the names for the trophies in hockey? Really?? The James Morris Award? Who is James Morris? Nobody knows what the hell the NHL awards represent, even former hockey players don’t know what all the awards mean. Besides, the NHL isn’t that popular to begin with, so how would the average […]
There is something artificial about supporting a team not from one’s hometown. It makes me feel like my best friend got back together with an abusive boyfriend or something. How do you even start liking another team not from your hometown anyway? Maybe you are not getting enough attention at home or at school. So one […]
Whats the deal with people who only talk about their jobs socially? You want to say, “Unless you wanted to be hunted for sport, you’ll stop.” They are not only killing the mood(you wet blanket you) but also raising peeps blood pressure within earshot. People want to forget about work as soon as they leave […]
Studies have shown really intelligent people talk to themselves. My response to that: so do homeless people. First off, you’re scaring me. Second, make a friend. Maybe if weren’t always staying in with your family on the weekends you would have actual, real-life people with which to speak. It’s okay to talk to yourself when […]
After a certain age(I get it. If it’s a younger child that’s fine), doesn’t it get creepy to continue to kiss your family members on the lips? I’m sorry but outside of a sexual relationship I don’t feel like kissing anybody, most especially not a family member. This is creepy. Especially when I see 20 […]
I love how people feel like it’s okay to email us after complete 7 year radio silence just because they can. Most don’t even bother to personalize their email. “Hey Guys” or “Hello Everyone” are my favorites. Some don’t even use bcc. Wow. Great. Now I get to hear everyone’s comments. Even Dutch, the stale […]
You are at a nice restaurant eating a delicious meal enjoying yourself when someone decides to put a damper on the mood by blowing their nose. I’m not talking about discretely turning their head and taking care of business. I’m talking about a real head clearer folks, in the cloth napkin, while simultaneously making eye contact with […]
I cannot stand when people buy a pet just because it looks cute. This leads to unnecessary problems people! How many times have you seen a middle-aged person with a Rottweiler(any other dominant breed i.e. Pinscher, German Shepherd, Staffordshire Terrier etc.)? Holy Bejesus! There is no way this person can keep up with this type of […]
Anybody else feel it is a total violation when they hear someone whistling (especially for no reason)? It was cool when we first learned how to whistle, right? Say at 5 or 6(which was totally fine because you were a kid). Then, as you got older, hopefully you realized whistling is a total violation. If […]
Have you ever been in a conversation where the other person just can’t wait to jump in and interrupt you. A lady I know does this all the time. It drives me freaking crazy! Really?? You are going to keep interrupting me, all night? Know anybody like this?? She is constantly reloading while you are talking. […]
Is it just me or are Pennsylvania drivers even worse than Florida drivers in terms of cutting you off then driving like they have a flat tire? I’m driving by myself last week on 76 heading to the city belting out Rihana lyrics until my throat hurts(standard) when some diaper wearing dude veers into my […]
What’s the deal with talking in the 3rd person? I was at physical therapy last week while Regis Philbin was being interviewed on TV. In the middle of the interview he started saying things like, “Regis was hungry!” “Regis was hilarious that day.” “When Regis gets excited he humps your leg!” I was dying for […]